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Can we stop with the "Queen of Spades" moniker?
Posted:Nov 10, 2021 12:19 pm
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2021 2:48 pm

Folks, I get that kink/sexuality is not bound by any laws of political correctness...and thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for that. That said, there are people whose fetish is humiliation, who ask to be degraded, and who get off on being insulted. For the rest of us, that’s not what we signed on for.

When people take on the moniker of “Queen of Spades” they are promoting a racial derogatory term for the very people they claim to be attracted to. If you’re interested in big dick, say that. If you’re interested in Black men, say that. If you’re interested in Black men who happen to have big dicks, say that. Just don’t come of your mouth with a racial slur towards to say that you want to fuck and men/women whose skin looks like mine. I don’t care how cute your coded tattoo looks, that shit is fucked up.

NOTE: If race play is your fetish and you get off on stereotypes, racial slurs, and racialized COSplay...have fun with that, with a consenting partner where he/she is subject to your disrespect. That said I somehow doubt many of you ‘so-called’ Queens would appreciate your partner openly referring to themselves as a “King of Karens or Queen of Beckies”. I’m not saying it’s equivalent, because it’s not. What y’all are doing is way worse.

SIDE NOTE: If you’re a Black man or woman and you openly let these folks curse you and yours, you really need the wake the fuck up!
Decentering White Sexuality / Defetishizing Black Sexuality
Posted:Nov 10, 2021 12:15 pm
Last Updated:Jan 21, 2022 2:37 am

How much of your learning about sexuality is centered on the experience/vision/fetishes of white Males or white Females? That's not to say there is anything wrong with being attracted to white people, not at all, but to say is your concept of attraction is based on a white/European aesthetic, vocabulary, or paradigm?

If you came up watching porn or reading erotica, as many of us did, you were probably innundated with images of white women's sexuality as that is what the porn industry centers on. You were probably inundated with scenarios of white male dominance. These have since expanded to more Top/bottom-like relationships with each other races and race play, but it still centers on white sexuality and their experience as opposed to yours.

If you are a person of color, what is your sense of your own sexuality/sensuality? What informed that for you (music, movies, books, music videos, etc.)? Did those sources focus on your experience? Did it resonate with you as genuine?
What It Sounds Like...Why Hotties Cry
Posted:Nov 8, 2021 9:04 am
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2021 11:36 am

Don't you just hate it when you find someone and they're great. They exercise 20,000 times a week, they have a great job, are intelligent, and have a body built to give you excitement and pleasure...

...but then you find out they're a player OR they can't hold a conversation OR they're hung up on their ex OR they can't manage their OR they're a chronic liar OR they're a lazy lover.

On paper they look fantastic, but for you they're a dud. It's frustrating as hell and most of us have been there.

If it wasn't for the 10s that are nightmares, the 6s and 7s that have their stuff together would be in trouble, but the reality is that the whole package is more than what someone can put on a profile. We don't ask about narcissism (and would they answer honestly). We don't ask about a person's credit/finances (they wouldn't answer at all). No one asks if you can last longer than 5 minutes (we sure hope so, but may find out too late).

It's a shame but those that have been around a bit know what's important. It's not just can you fill a person's holes, but can you get them to feeling whole. It's not just can you look good on someone's arm, but can you support them when they need a helping hand. It's not just can you blow their back out with sex, but can you be there when they need support. Can you be the lover AND the friend?

The person I'm looking for understands that difference and appreciates it. If you're just on that "I need a big dick or big titties" , miss with that. I've been there and those folks are here today and gone tomorrow...don't miss it and don't want it back. Give that good sex with intimacy (into--see) and I'll rock your world.

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What It Sounds Like...Why Hotties Cry (4)author51
Nov 8, 2021 12:16 pm