At The Library
|
Posted:Sep 26, 2015 10:58 am
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2023 11:27 am
24711 Views
|
The Question to today's BlogLand Jeopardy Answer is: Where keithcancook Refined His Imagination
read on!
|
|
|
22
Comments
|
|
Letters to Dr. Snook #1
|
Posted:Sep 25, 2015 12:43 pm
Last Updated:Oct 2, 2015 6:41 pm
25547 Views
|
Dear Dr. Snook,
I'm writing to you in response to [post 3700882]
Thank you, for this free and unsolicited analysis. However, there are some facts that need to be cleared up.
First, I did not manifest ANY alter-ego symptoms prior to entering BlogLand. You should know that I've only been this way since I was Two.
Second, I've been told that with just a little therapy I could be half the men I used to be. So all is not lost.
Third, pigcancook was not the beginning of my madness. The day he first showed up was the worst, best day of my lives. He forced me to post Great Quotes By a Chauvinist Male, which caused tremendous turmoil and upheaval in BlogLand at that time.
Also, I do not have over 300 personalities. However, my alters are sprouting alters, and everybody is setting up camp in my brain. Would you believe that koocnachtiek's cat now has 54 lives? WTF? Aint nine enough?
Sincerely,
Multiplying In Miami
Authors note: He started it! And it started here => [post 3700882]
blog on!
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
Great Quotes From A Beatles Fan
|
Posted:Sep 22, 2015 3:26 pm
Last Updated:Jun 6, 2020 9:26 pm
24405 Views
|
GREAT QUOTES FROM A BEATLES FAN
I'm so tired. I'm fixing a hole eight days a week.
Two of us carry that weight because (she's so heavy).
If I needed someone, I need you.
I've got a feeling she's leaving home. (You're going to lose that girl).
If I fell tell me why. I'm only sleeping.
When I'm sixty-four you won't see me drive my car.
I just don't understand Her Majesty. She said she said "Why don't we do it in the road?"
All things must pass. Don't pass me by, Michelle.
Your mother should know what you're doing across the universe in spite of all the danger.
Goodnight. I'll be back. When I get home.
THE END
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
Twisted (12th Virtual Symposium)
|
Posted:Sep 19, 2015 10:32 pm
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2015 3:09 pm
41795 Views
|
...I cracked. My mind collapsed upon itself as the personalities within struggled for control of my consciousness, vying to take over...
These folks are becoming known as border nazis. "No refuge for YOU"
My analyst told me, that I was right outta my head. But I said dear doctor I think that it is you instead. ... I'm not twisted...
AFriendFinder TATTLER
BlogLand Central District
Hello Bloggers! This is your intrepid reporter Casey Sea coming to you (barely) alive from Central BlogLand where we have been overrun by alter-ego refugees. These refugees (some BlogLanders claim they are merely undeserving migrants.), are fleeing conflicts from every district in BlogLand and Beyond. Just who are these refugees/migrants? What do they want with us?
Most say they are but web bots. That they have no place taking part in the peaceful bounty of BlogLand. We should turn them back at the borders. Conservative bloggers have a point here. Nobody wants fembots tricking the people.
Others say that they are government (A.F.F.) agents. Criminal smuggler bots sent to lure the unsuspecting blogger into parting with his cash. Drawing them here with the prospect of plentiful pussy (with real people, rather than bot plasticity). The government denies this, of course.
All agree that they are among us, and must be dealt with. The immediacy of the situation cannot be denied. Yet, not all is as it appears. I myself, Casey Sea, have travelled to the borders and witnessed the chaotic scenes. I have been in the camps. I have talked to the people there. I have discovered that some are indeed legitimate refugees. Fleeing persecution from districts where the people have no imagination. (such a Pity.  ).
I have heard their stories. Tales of separation. Of stress, and fracturing mental states. Some, (if not all) seem to be figments. Mere pieces of people. Unsure of who they really are. Nobody really has any documents. (except for one dude, but more on him later).
Considerably more bizarre, and hard for even this reporter to believe, are rumors that this is not an interblogal crisis at all. That all these alter-egos running loose are not actual immigrants but only phantoms who sprang from the mind of a single blogger. As impossible as that sounds, you can be sure that your faithful reporter, Casey Sea will investigate this rumor, and as I suspect, soon put it to rest.
The facts are clear. Strange comments have been showing up in our blogs. We have seen odd characters, obviously foreign in nature. Notably keithcannadanna, pigcancook, keithcanfucious, keithcandoSeuss, THE PUBLISHER, and it seems others as well, yet to be named.
One who does have a name is koocnachtiek. I have tracked him down to the border where he had just jumped the (new) fence into BlogLand. He agreed to appear on camera, and answer some questions. Roll the tape...
rm_koocnachtiek
koocnachtiek
Kasey Sea: So tell us Mr. koocnachtiek, why are alter-egos running loose in BlogLand? What is their purpose here?
koocnachtiek: My master says that most of us were created in early May, 2005 to combat a terrible scourge that struck BlogLand.
Kasey Sea: Ah yes, the "one-comment glitch". But that bug was repaired within a week. And the LURKER and THE PUBLISHER were already causing trouble in BlogLand well before that bug landed here.
koocnachtiek: Well, my master says that he needs us for what he calls "technical reasons".
Kasey Sea: Technical reasons?
koocnachtiek: Yes. He uses us to shield him from the consequences of what we say. He says that by sending us in he can pretty much do whatever he wants in BlogLand and if folks get pissed off he just blames it on us.
Kasey Sea: I see. So you are a sort of a "teflon coating" for him.
koocnachtiek: Yes, exactly. pigcancook is an excellent example of this. My master sends him out whenever he is feeling chauvinistic, or feels that the females are too powerful.
^ . . ^
( @ )
pigcancook
Great Quotes By a Chauvinist Male
Kasey Sea: The BLPD (BlogLand Police Dpt.) has placed this pigcancook on a higher level of priority. They say that if they catch up to him he will be permanently deleted.
koocnachtiek: Ha! It's impossible to repress an alter-ego. They are wasting their time.
Kasey Sea: They caught you didn't they?
koocnachtiek: No, I came in on my own. Besides, this is all scripted anyway isn't it? I mean, we are all puppets here aren't we? Why, this entire interview is nothing but a sham.
Kasey Sea: Um, I ah...
koocnachtiek: That's right. Everything we are doing is orchestrated by another. For cryin out loud, you yourself are an alter-ego. The news organization you "work" for is nothing but a figment of our masters imagination. Even your name is not your own. Go ahead. Say "Casey Sea" five times out loud. Tell me, what letters do you hear, eh?
Kasey Sea: But, but... but the TATTLER is REAL! I have seen articles, I have seen it's banner in blogs all over BlogLand.
koocnachtiek: Oh brother! Get with it Kasey Sea! You are not your own entity. You do not exist in the world of reality. You are a tool. The only reason you can't understand what I am saying is because our master has willed it so.
Kasey Sea: NOOOoooo...
Authors note: Before he retreated in confusion back into my brain, Casey Sea managed to secure evidence related to these matters in the form of a diary entry. Or rather, a fragment of a note. It is rather cryptic, and like some international spy involved in intrigue, he has hidden it in plain sight.
It was found deep in a cobwebby blog basement, and appears inside the comment area of this post. Those with a pet mouse (or with really good vision) may discover it there. (Don't quote me on that).
High lights are better than no lights.
When you Select.
All will be before you.
kcc
Follow the theme of INTERNATIONAL INTRIGUE at the Twelfth Virtual Symposium hosted by humorlife here...Follow This Link
As always,
blog on!
|
|
|
32
Comments
|
|
keithcannadanna (12th Virtual Symposium)
|
Posted:Sep 17, 2015 11:17 pm
Last Updated:Jul 1, 2018 2:47 pm
44199 Views
|
I went to see the doctor today.
“What seems to be the problem, keith?” he asked.
“Well, I feel like I'm more than one person,” I said, being Frank.
Casey Sea Goodevening BlogLanders! This is your intrepid reporter, Casey Sea coming to you live from BlogLand Studios. We begin our news broadcast with an editorial by keithcannadanna.
Mr. Cannadanna...
keithcannadanna What's all this I hear about intra-rational big leagues? I just don't get it. If someone is intra-rational aren't they already unbalanced? I mean, c'mon! Multiple people in the same brain? Doesn't it get confusing in there? What if they are all talking at once? What comes out of the persons mouth then, eh? As divided as they are, how can you trust them?
On the upside they wouldn't be alone on weekends. And if they're never alone even the act of masturbation becomes an orgy. (of course I, keithcannadanna, am never alone on weekends).
And here's another thing. What in the hell do they need leagues for, eh? If they're all in the same head, they're in league already!
Why, it was just last week when I, keithcannadanna, had converse with one of these so called intra-rationals. (Honestly, it's never really just one with these guys, but I digress). They were having a convention. Anybody who was everybody was there.
First the dude says he's a big shot newspaper PUBLISHER, and then seconds later he is a chauvinist pig. Well, that seemed normal enough to me, but before I could answer him he was transformed into some reporter trying to interview me. Claimed he worked for the very PUBLISHER who introduced himself in the beginning! How many fruitcakes can ya fit in one guy, I ask you? Eh? Is there a limit?
Well, No. There's not. The dude soon began talking in cheap sounding, broken oriental english. No. Not talking. Reciting. Witticisms, he called them, but I'm thinking that he is full of shiticisms. Called himself keithcanfucious. He was really irritating me too. He prefaced every sentence with the words "keithcanfucious say..." Sheesh!
Casey Sea Um, excuse me. Mr. Cannadanna.. ah we're not supposed to be talking about intra-rational big leagues. It's..
keithcannadanna Well, Casey Sea. Like my daddy always used to say. "Yanno, my little keithcannadanna. It's always something! Either you leave your alter egos at the door, or you become a buncha voices trying to convince a buncha bloggers that you are insane."
Casey Sea No! You don't get it. Today's topic is International Intrigues, NOT intra-rational big leagues!
keithcannadanna Really? Oh. Nevermind.
Roseanne Roseannadanna and Emily Latella
are
Gilda Radner 
Authors Note: Here is my tribute to Gilda Radner. R.I.P.
It's also a nod, even a preface if you will, to the upcoming event known as The Twelfth Virtual Symposium hosted by humorlife's blog.
This is a Blog-Wide effort culminating on Sunday, September 20th here in BlogLand.
|
|
|
17
Comments
|
|
I am Yin. I am Yang.
|
Posted:Sep 17, 2015 2:33 pm
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2015 3:38 pm
24926 Views
|
I am yin. I am yang
I am moon. I am sun.
I am passive. I am active.
I am female. I am male.
It's not so bad, being contrary within. All the opposites are complimentary to each other, making me whole. I am mom and I am dad. It defined me once. Living as "mr. mom" has tempered me. I raised my , they are grown and gone, but what's left behind is a whole new man.
Now, c'mere and let me fix your boo boo.
|
|
|
6
Comments
|
|
The Devils Triangle
|
Posted:Sep 12, 2015 10:59 pm
Last Updated:Jun 7, 2020 12:03 pm
26396 Views
|
So, I'm at this dockside bar, and some old salty is telling his sea tale about the time he sailed into The Devils Triangle. Except it kept coming out as "Deviled" Triangle.
But for the company I was with, I would have one-upped him with tale of the time I was in the Deviled Triangle. Except of course, the triangle I got lost in was between a womans legs, and I you not I tasted eggs!
blog on!
|
|
|
28
Comments
|
|
Epilogue To A Vacation Comedy
|
Posted:Sep 11, 2015 7:50 am
Last Updated:Oct 8, 2015 7:30 am
25069 Views
|
This is the "Where Are They Now?" part of the story.
Julie and Perry did marry and are married still. Some time after the vacation they moved to the mountains where Julie opened a little store and runs it still.
I have known Julie for many years and she is a dear sweet friend. Y'all would really like her.
I had only known Perry for a few months. I didn't dislike him, but I was concerned for Julie. (Like it's any of my business, but I was younger then). He's a good guy, (an architect, yet), even though I used him as the antagonist in my version of this tale.
Another funny "Perry" story can be mentioned here. I wasn't there, but Julie told me about it. Perry invested in some of new camping equipment and he and Julie went to the mountains to try it out.
He had bought a new lantern. It was one of those pump types. They were in the little tent and Perry couldn't get the durn thing to light. Julie read the directions to him and told him NOT to keep pumping that lantern.
But he was getting irritated that his new stuff wasn't working and kept on pumping and hitting the igniter.
Lol. I can just see it now. Anyway, Julie left him to his devices and went outside. Curses were coming from inside the tent.
Suddenly there was a low sounding but powerful WHOOMP! Julie said that the entire tent was suddenly filled with a great light.
That fool had filled his tent with vapors and they ignited! Julie ran over thinking that Perry was injured or worse. But he was unscathed save for some singed hair. Lucky bastard.
Georgia went back to her town where she lived, and still lives to this day for all I know. We have not stayed in contact over the years.
As for me and South Florida? I love it. I try get down here at least once a year. But I stay on the Atlantic coast near Ft. Lauderdale. Heck, I'm blogging to y'all from del Rey, on the water right now... 
Blog on!
The Sundy House in del Rey, where I dined last evening.
|
|
|
8
Comments
|
|
SHARDS OF A VACATION COMEDY
|
Posted:Sep 10, 2015 1:19 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2015 9:24 pm
25326 Views
|
Here is the first part... A Vacation Comedy Itinerary
Here is the second part... THE FURTHER MISADVENTURES OF A VACATION COMEDY
Here is the third part... YET MORE OF A VACATION COMEDY
Here is the fourth part... STORMING THROUGH A VACATION COMEDY
Just then some crazy dude in a large pleasure craft approached the docks way too fast. His wake caused our boat dip wildly and as it did we swung around.
SMASH! One of the pylons ripped right into the large plate glass window of our boat. Shards of glass showered over the women cowering inside. It was right next to Georgia and she was covered in glass. Fortunately she was unhurt.
We bounced around for a while as we waited for the storm to subside. When we could move again we retraced our route and returned under the bridge to the exact place where I had suggested to "captain" Perry that we wait out the tide and the storm.
There we inquired about replacing the broken window. Yes, it could be done. But not immediately. It would have to be specially cut and that would take time. They fitted us with some plexiglass and promised to send the replacement window to meet us at a designated location. It cost seven hundred and fifty bucks.
"Captain" Perry was doing some quick math in his head. He said "well, it is not too bad. It will only cost us one hundred eighty-seven fifty each." "Whoa! Hold on there Perry" I said. Remember how you said "I am paying for this" right before we left this dock not too long ago?" "Captain" Perry paid the bill and never again declared he was "paying" for the remainder of the trip. Lmao!
Not much else of note happened the next two days. We went up the Seminole River a bit and then got into kayaks and floats and went exploring. We heard some nasty buzzing and figured perhaps Killer Bees would constitute the next disaster but nothing came of it fortunately. Still, the trip would have been more fun if we had run into John Belushi.
Perry spent some serious bucks on a new fishing pole and was showing it off. But he left it propped on deck and a fish must have hooked himself and pulled it into the depths.
The next day (our last) - as always I was first up and I saw a fishing line stretched across the anchor rope. I pulled on it and attached to one end was a fish! I began pulling the other way and eventually I reeled in Perry's fishing rod so that at least was saved. (it really was a nice one).
Oh, one last thing to leave y'all with. The night we skinny dipped was the most fun we had. Later that night Georgia wanted me to shave her. Grinning broadly I lathered her up....schwick! schwick! schwick! Yes, that night was definitely the most fun I had the entire trip. THE END
|
|
|
12
Comments
|
|
STORMING THROUGH A VACATION COMEDY
|
Posted:Sep 9, 2015 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2015 11:23 pm
25139 Views
|
Here is the first part... A Vacation Comedy Itinerary
Here is the second part... THE FURTHER MISADVENTURES OF A VACATION COMEDY
Here is the third part... YET MORE OF A VACATION COMEDY
DAY THREE continued
We pulled out from the dock and headed into the oncoming tide. When we reached the bridge it appeared that we might just barely pass under it. Oops! A small swell has lifted us higher. SCREECH! Hmm, it appears that there wasn't enough room after all.
The generator held and was none the worse for being a little bent up and dented. Well, that was lucky...sort of. Luck was something we had in low supply for this vacation. Almost as soon as we entered the bay the dark clouds rushed up with incredible speed and the storm unleashed its fury on us.
The line of transit I attempted to run wasn't happening. Instead of going straight ahead we were traveling sorta sideways as the wind blew us off course and towards the shore. It all happened so fast. The rain was coming in sheets and the howl of the wind drowned out all other sounds. We were being driven directly toward a dock where many large craft were moored.
In the dim light I could not see very well, but what use was sight to me? We were helpless against that storm. Closer and closer we were pushed towards the dock. I could make out a huge steel pontoon moored there, rushing up to greet us as it seemed to me then. Oh! Oh! A near miss of the steel pontoon YES! ...a sure crash into an 80' Hatteras Yacht...also a yes. Yikes! Some millionaire was going to be pissed when his baby gets damaged!
SMACK! Amazingly we did not hit that yacht. The storm pushed us up against the only possible thing that could have prevented us from slamming into the docks. There stood (maybe even to this day) three wooden pylons jutting from the angry swirling water. The remains of a former dock I suppose. Anyway we hit them hard, and were stopped cold. The power of the wind held us in place.
Quickly I jumped to the ropes to tie us up. Perry jumped in to assist. It looked like we might just escape this storm unscathed. Was our luck still holding? To be continued....
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
Ahhhhhh....
|
Posted:Sep 9, 2015 11:57 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2015 6:43 pm
24600 Views
|
Yep. Ahhh. 90 minutes worth of massage is worth every dime it cost. I went to the spa and had ememphis placed on my feet. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Does this put me in with the metrosexuals? Nah! I prolly need to get a facial, eyebrow wax, and other stuff to qualify.
Whatever it is called, I feel fantastic!
I wish I could stay on holiday forever....
Blog on!
Mizner Square, Boca Raton, Florida
|
|
|
12
Comments
|
|
YET MORE OF A VACATION COMEDY
|
Posted:Sep 8, 2015 10:24 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2015 4:08 pm
24662 Views
|
Here is the first part... A Vacation Comedy Itinerary
Here is the second part... THE FURTHER MISADVENTURES OF A VACATION COMEDY
We are looking for a place to tie up for the night and in the middle of nowhere there exists an abandoned resort. I think it was called Port of the Islands. It had a high rise hotel and a vast pool. The pool must have been at least an acre in size. No one was around and we had the run of the place. I guess it was in foreclosure or something. Anyway, we skinny dipped in that pool and drank lots of tequila.
Later, back on the boat we shined the flashlight out into the waters. Hundreds of tiny red eyes were watching us from every direction! Alligators! We were in some kind of breeding area or something. Or maybe feeding area? Yikes! Just then we hear this loud motorized sound. Getting louder and approaching with great speed. We could see nothing. Then ZOOM! A low flying twin engine cargo plane came zipping past just over our heads. It displayed no lights and was gone in an instant. Drug runners!
DAY THREE
The next morning we found tracks on deck. Evidently one of the alligators had come aboard and sniffed around before slipping back into the water.
We left the area and headed to some tourist deal that "captain" Perry wanted to try out. "I am paying for this boat" he said again. Georgia and I wanted to be alone for a while so we opted out of the airboat tour and Julie and Perry set off.
After they were gone we realized that we were low on smokes. We sort of remembered passing a station somewhere while we were looking for the airboat tour place, so we said "how far can it be?" We left a note for Perry and Julie and started walking down the road.
The pines began to close in on us as we trod down the narrow road. Our flip flops flapping as we trudged along in shorts with no sunscreen. (we were so unprepared for a hike) Far ahead there was a bend in the road.
When we finally reached the bend we saw that the road now went straight ahead. To nowhere. It seemed endless the more we walked the more it stayed the same. It was like being on a treadmill, walking, walking, but not getting anywhere.
Finally we reached the store. It had a little restaurant attached to it. It was practically deserted but there were a few cars outside. We went in to rest and eat and get out of the heat. The waitress looked at us strangely and then asked how we got there since she saw that there wasn't another car in the lot. When we told her where we had walked from she was incredulous. It was 6 miles! She said that the pools on either side of the road were swarming with alligators and we were lucky we weren't bothered.
We asked her if she could get away for a bit and give us a ride back. She did and we gave her a twenty for her trouble. When we got back we found Perry and Julie frantic with worry. Our note had gotten lost and they had no idea where we had disappeared to.
By then it was past noon and we decided to head to Marco Island to find some gas. We found a place on the chart but when we got there we found a low bridge blocking our way. We decided that we could safely make it under so with "captain" Perry up top to make sure we had enough clearance we went under. There was a generator on the roof and it was the tallest part of our boat. We made it with plenty of room to spare.
The tide was coming in as we gassed up. I could see darkening skies on the horizon and I advised "captain" Perry that we should stay put. I noted that we may not make it back under the bridge without knocking off the generator. But "captain" Perry wanted to leave. He said we could make it. He also said "I am paying for this boat" yadda yadda yadda... However, that was the last time I heard him say that for the rest of the trip...(to be continued).
|
|
|
10
Comments
|
|
THE FURTHER MISADVENTURES OF A VACATION COMEDY
|
Posted:Sep 7, 2015 5:13 pm
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2015 1:57 pm
24642 Views
|
Here's the first part... A Vacation Comedy Itinerary
DAY TWO (continued)
Fortunately we didn't have to wait too long for the tide to bring the water back to us. In the meantime, as some of you may know who have been there, we suffered from an unbearable stench and a plague of insects. This is when fair skinned Julie began to realize that she was different from the rest of us. For some reason the vast majority of the insects found her to be sweeter than their usual fare and attacked her relentlessly. I am not sure what they were, they were so tiny, but they must be kin to "noseeums" and within an hour or so she had thirty angry red welts from hand to shoulder (and that was just on her right arm, the left was worse).
I did most of the driving since I had some experience with boats, but "captain" Perry was in charge. He always had the final say in where we would go and when. "I am paying for this," he kept pointing out.
When the tide had returned we made our way to to the little backwater of Everglades City to refuel and load supplies (mostly more tequila). There was a small cabana with a palm leaf roof serving drinks and the place was packed. We thought this was strange since it was only about 10 am in the morning.
We joined the throng to find out what was going on and it wasn't long before we discovered that the entire town had been arrested for trafficking the week before. We learned that the white haired and scraggley potbellied man who was pumping our gas at the dock was in fact the recently released mayor of that city! (This adventure occurred in June of 1997 for anyone who may be aware of the incident).
"Captain" Perry next wanted to go south to the Keys but I showed him from the chart that we could not make it with our limited fuel capacity. So we headed north towards Naples instead. We were about a mile offshore which was about the limit of my comfort level with this boat. Still, after the tidal flats disaster we tried to stay in deeper water.
I was cruising along at about 10 to 15 knots and taking soundings. The depth was decreasing and up ahead I could see discoloration in the water so I slowed down as quickly as possible.
Not quickly enough though. A large tubeworm reef loomed ahead. It was pink colored rock and it was long. I had the boat almost stopped when we struck the reef so fortunately we were able to back off the dang thing. I studied the chart again. This reef was not even listed. Hmmm, further investigation showed that the chart was published in the 1940's and had not been updated!
So now we go out even further into the Gulf to go around the reef. The water was getting very choppy and I could see a squall on the edge of the horizon. The boat was rocking wildly from side to side. At this point "captain" Perry decided to go from one end of the boat to the other and during his traverse a particularly violent swell hit us. Perry was thrown against the edge of a fixed table and badly bruised his side. He was black and blue and having trouble breathing.
We hurried to Naples and got him to the Emergency Room where it was found that he had two broken ribs and a bruised Pancreas. While he was being tended to, Georgia and I took care of supplies. We needed gas and also more tequila. We wanted to buy some CD's since we hadn't thought to bring very many. We didn't see anything worth buying there though.
The day was ending, but our adventures continued that night when we skinny dipped with the alligators! (to be continued)...
|
|
|
11
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (keithcancook) use [blog keithcancook] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
41
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
|
|
