Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:Jul 31, 2020 5:30 pm
171251 Views
1 comment , 32 Pending
It's 3 a.m.....
Posted:Aug 6, 2020 12:11 am
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2020 3:18 am
315 Views

Of course I'm waking a cat fight outside my bedroom window.

A literal.... Cat fight.

Want talk scary, here?

How about having it incorporate itself into your dream!

So, here I sit now, heart beating fast, shaking just a hair, with that bad dream cycling through my mind still.

Egads...

I may never sleep again.

It's moments like this when I miss the comfort of living with someone else. Moments when you can wake , in the middle of the night, and just snuggle close someone when your feeling scared or insecure.
7 Comments
Today
Posted:Aug 4, 2020 4:57 pm
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2020 3:40 am
1140 Views

Today was a bit of a shit-show... Thank God that nightmare is over.

At the gym tonight I watched as Heavily Tattooed Gym Lady sprayed herself in the face with the antiseptic cleaner.

It was completely by accident, don't ask me how, but I couldn't stop myself from chuckling.

How on earth does one 'accidentally' spray a giant spray bottle of cleaner into their OWN face??

Really makes you wonder, sometimes, just how some people make it through life....

Then again, who am I to judge... I found a pistachio in my bra when I changed to go to the gym tonight.
29 Comments
Another mask related eye injury.
Posted:Jul 31, 2020 4:05 pm
Last Updated:Aug 4, 2020 6:00 pm
2076 Views

What do you do when the thing designed save your life from COVID-19 nearly takes out an eye?

I was in my office, pretending not be irritated as hell with the pokey thing inside my face mask, when Office Max walked past my office.

Unbeknownst me, the stretchy ear piece was slowly separating from the mask, ready rip apart at any moment.

"Are you winking at me?" Jokingly, Office Max started winking back at me.

"No.... There's something in the corner of my mask, scratching me...." Pulling the mask away from my cheek slightly, I was hoping alleviate some of the discomfort and somehow smooth down the rough spot.

So... yah. That isn't exactly what happened.

Imagine my surprise when the ear loop ripped off entirely and snapped me in the eye.

"Oh My God! I think I'm blind!"

My eye watered instantly, tiny white dots were floating everywhere before my eyes. I blinked my eye hoping make it better...

It got worse!

Suddenly I was unable even OPEN my eye now.

"Holy shit, I may have detached a retina."

I even made myself laugh at that statement... It took several long moments and a lot of smeared eye makeup before I was able to regain eye normalcy.

I can honestly say, I will never be able to look at those masks the same way again.
19 Comments
Half Undone
Posted:Jul 31, 2020 2:38 am
Last Updated:Aug 2, 2020 10:18 pm
2137 Views

True story...

Last week was a rough one for me, Friday particularly...

So, I popped open a Mike's Margarita while I was cooking dinner, the Spawn was sitting at the counter.

And then I popped open a second.....

My mood was already elevated and I was feeling that light feeling I start to feel when I'm catching a buzz. I was done making dinner and I decided to have the Spawn paint my toe nails.

Pulling out the bag of goodies, she went to work taking off the polish while I started on a third margarita and closed my eyes for a moment.

"Mom! You're sleeping!"

"What??"

Yah, what felt like closing my eyes for a moment was actually me sleeping long enough for her to fully paint all the nails on my right foot.

"I've got to go to bed. I can't keep my eyes open."

"You can't! Your nails are wet!"

Too late... I was already crawling into bed and asleep before my head hit the pillow. It's a miracle, but I somehow managed to NOT get polish anywhere in my bed.

Fast forward to this morning as I sit here laughing to myself.

I glanced down at my feet just now and realized, I still only have one foot with painted toe nails.

A visual aid for the state of my life right now.

TGIF!
9 Comments
And she perseveres...
Posted:Jul 30, 2020 2:50 am
Last Updated:Jul 31, 2020 2:06 am
2414 Views

Persevere
[ˌpərsəˈvir]

VERB

Continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success.


God bless the gym....

Went the gym last night for the first time in a couple of days.

Had force myself as I've wanted do is hide out and cry the minute I get home from work...

But force myself I did, and little by little, I started feel closer normal. I could hear Loud Groan Guy in the back somewhere lifting weights and the Noisy Treadmill Lady stomping her feet as she trudged along on the treadmill.

I was partway through my treadmill time when my phone started ringing.

It was the Hippie.

I almost didn't answer it....

But chose to do so anyway.

"Where are you?"

"They gym."

", that's right. It's your new routine, you do this every day now. I thought you sounded breathy, sounds sexy."

"Whatever."

"Are you wearing a headband?"

"No."

"Wristbands? Doesn't everyone wear headbands and wrist bands for sweat?"

"Um, no."

"Why not?"

"Because... It's not 1970!?"

Part of wonders what does this guy picture when he hears someone say "I'm at the gym."

Women in spandex, belted leotards with leg warmers, I'm guessing.

Happy Thursday.
17 Comments
Someone park that struggle bus, I'm ready to get off!
Posted:Jul 27, 2020 5:11 pm
Last Updated:Jul 30, 2020 2:01 am
3360 Views
I sure picked a fantastic year to work on being a better person!



I remember when I thought the pandemic and the shelter in place was causing me anxiety.... Add to that the depression of my Middle joining the Marines and...

Yah, I'm not doing so hot right now.

I'm not sure what to do about it...
25 Comments
Just you and me... In a secluded lighthouse.
Posted:Jul 25, 2020 5:47 am
Last Updated:Jul 27, 2020 5:12 pm
3786 Views

A few weeks ago, Nose Hairs had shown me a secluded lighthouse in the middle of the water somewhere.... Fifty miles from some shoreline. It was actually kind of cool looking, if given the opportunity, I would totally want to check it out.

I'd forgotten about it until yesterday when he revisited the lighthouse topic at the afternoon meeting.

"Did you know you can stay at some of those lighthouses? They're like B&B's."

I did know this as I'd looked into it a couple of years ago when I was visiting all the Michigan lighthouses near where I live. There really is some amazing and beautiful stuff up here in northern Michigan.

"Yah, I'd looked into it a while ago, but never actually stayed at any."

"Can you imagine staying at that one? That's pretty far from civilization."

I shook my head, I knew he was talking about the one that was in the middle of the water.

"With the right person though...."

I didn't realize it, but our conversation was being overheard by my Work BFF and Boss #2.

"I wouldn't want to be stuck all the way out there with just one other person, yikes"

It was at this point that I heard Work BFF whispering to Boss #2 something to the effect of...

Yah, he just wants to be out there with [secret_lade].

I turned and looked at Boss #2, her eyes were kind of big as she realized I could hear them.

I have to admit... If he were single, I'd probably give him a chance. His conversations with me are always a two way conversation, I'm not just sitting there listening while he's talking. When we do walk and talk together, he isn't speeding ahead with his long legs as I rush to try to keep up with my short little legs. He remembers the stuff that I say. Most guys don't retain that knowledge, unless it somehow pertains to them

Those nose hairs and that beard would be a thing of the past, day one though...
6 Comments
A day in the life....
Posted:Jul 24, 2020 3:57 am
Last Updated:Jul 25, 2020 4:30 am
4112 Views
The world is feeling a little closer normal again....

The Spawn has returned. (So has her brother.)

I received a text yesterday stating I was allowed pick her from her dad's house after work, if I wanted . If I did not want , then I didn't have .

What a shit.

I was waiting for her gather her belongings when her dad walked down the stairs and asked how I was doing. It's been a few weeks since I've seen/spoken him...

I was a little concerned about what he was going say after everything that happened. He can be kind of judgy toward when it comes the and how I provide for them and discipline them.

I'm much tougher than he is.

Turns out, he was in agreement with me my cutbacks and told this to the .

"I told [Spawn] if she wants to come over next week, she can earn some money babysitting Grandma."

"Good! Now you'll have the money to your phone bill."

The two had looked at each other and I was feeling ganged .

"What...." I was already feeling insecure, which is what usually happens in this situation.

"Dad said you would say that. He said I need earn my phone."

He didn't say a word, I just looked at him and smiled a little, not wanting make a big deal out of it, but it kind of was. A big part of thought he was going make a giant thing out of it and then hand over money cover their phones making feel shitty.

He didn't.

Thank God for small miracles.

The Spawn and I ended spending the evening at Thumm Lake, relaxing and returning our lives back normal again. It's been a tough week without them... But I had a beautiful evening to rejoice their return.



14 Comments
I'm more than just an award winning smile....
Posted:Jul 23, 2020 6:20 pm
Last Updated:Jul 31, 2020 2:11 am
4214 Views
These days a smile isn't going to get you anywhere.

Nobody can fucking see it!!

So I had to think to myself.... What do I have to offer? What exactly do I bring to the table that makes me someone worth keeping.

Then, it hit me.



What guy could possibly pass up on coins AND toilet paper??

It's the COMPLETE package!

My single days will be coming to a close...
13 Comments
Have green bean, will travel....
Posted:Jul 22, 2020 2:32 pm
Last Updated:Jul 23, 2020 6:23 pm
4452 Views

Picture it.....

Gas station, 5:15 pm.

Secret_lade is standing in line to pay for her fuel when she sees a friend from work.

"Hey Lady! Didn't I just see you!!"

We were JUST talking in the parking lot at work. I literally JUST saw her. We laughed at the coincidence and then it was my turn at the register.

The cashier rung up my gas and my water then looked awkwardly at the front of my shirt.

"Ma'am... You've got something on your shirt."

"I do?"

Now that I spend most of my day without my glasses on trying to see beyond a fucking mask while it's poking my eye skin.... I overlook a lot of the up close stuff.

"Oh shit. I'm wearing a green bean."

Classy!

At some point during my lunch I dropped a french cut green bean on my shirt and not one person said one word about it the rest of the day.

Fantastic....
23 Comments
Tuesday Observations
Posted:Jul 21, 2020 2:49 pm
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2020 5:48 pm
4640 Views

1. What goes around, comes around.... A woman with a loaded shopping cart cut me off in the grocery store today. I fucking hate it when people peel out of an isle with no consideration to anyone that may be walking down that center isle... This time, however, I watched as she caught her flip flop under the wheel in her haste to be in front of me, stumbling and falling. Like a preteen girl I openly laughed at the spectacle.

2. When you tell off The Most Annoying Coworker on Earth, they suddenly start to avoid you. Why didn't I do this sooner?!? It was liberating to see him walk past my office twice and not feel the need to pop his head in and tell me something stupid.

3. I just watched as the president said "China Virus" repeatedly. I wonder how long it will take before I see backlash from this plastered all over everywhere....

4. I ended up eating part of my lunch with Nose Hairs today, he's growing a beard behind his mask. I'm not liking it.... He looks a little homeless and disheveled. I rarely see anyone without their masks on anymore... It feels kind of weird now.

5. Twice I've been asked to be the grill master at work.... And twice now a guy has stolen my thunder. What's up with that?!? I have every intention of doing the cooking, but end up rocking the side-kick role opening the hot packages and holding the tongs. Is there an unwritten rule that I'm unaware of? When did grilling become man's work? I feel cheated.

6. Why is the scarecrow always a bad guy in the scary movies?
12 Comments
The best of the best ice breaker messages I've received this week....
Posted:Jul 20, 2020 3:10 pm
Last Updated:Jul 23, 2020 1:21 am
4857 Views

I shake my head and wonder, sometimes, at the shit I receive in my inbox. What the fuck are these people thinking??

It certainly isn't common sense.... Good lord.

Cause, if this is your idea of an ice breaker first message, your cock is going to shrivel up and fall off before a woman messages you back.

While a lot of the messages I receive are your run of the mill "got any face pic" messages or the "I'll be in your area this weekend" messages....

There's always one or two that manage to surprise me still, even after all these years.

And, this weeks illustrious honor goes to the 78 year old man with the scowling profile pic that asked me "What you got between your legs".

Really?

Your first message to a woman 30 years younger than you are is asking what she has between her legs?

Um, a crotch??

Good God...

I should have replied back, certainly not you, but I chose to ignore it instead. Lord have mercy on the soul of the woman who decides 'he's the one'.
21 Comments

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