Sexy TIMES
 


Welcome to Sexy TIMES!

This blog will report various, often random and sometimes dubious thoughts, quirks, observations, trivia, tales, questions, dreams, rants, opinions, truths, musings, stories, lies, hopes, moans, fantasies, etc in the hope of tempting you to get involved.

Our mission is to put the facts in the public domain!

Please feel free to write a letter to the editor at LETTERS TO THE EDITOR.

Back issues of Sexy TIMES are available at INDEX OF BACK ISSUES


Sexy TIMES editor: spunkycumfun, Esq.
Sexy TIMES proprietor: Rupert Murdoch
Sexy TIMES executive designer: [blog cherimore]

The editor and, of course, the proprietor take no responsibility for accuracy of the content, nor any responsibility for the propriety of how the content was gathered. Otherwise, Sexy TIMES subscribes to the highest ethical standards of journalism.
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I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHADES
Posted:Aug 30, 2021 12:08 pm
Last Updated:Sep 29, 2021 8:48 am
8870 Views


Now summer’s drawing in, well at least where I live in England, my only pair of sunglasses will be returned to the bottom drawer.

To me, people always seem to look cooler and sexier in sunglasses. This strikes me as a little odd as sunglasses hide a person’s eyes. I often like to look at someone’s eyes, especially if I’m attracted to them. According to William Shakespeare, eyes “are the windows to your soul.”


Do you look sexier with your sunglasses on?
Have you ever had sex with your sunglasses on?
How many of the eight celebrities wearing sunglasses below can you name?


A top prize will be awarded to the person who correctly identifies the most celebrities below!

CELEBRITY A:


CELEBRITY B:


CELEBRITY C:


CELEBRITY D:


CELEBRITY E:


CELEBRITY F:


CELEBRITY G:


CELEBRITY H:
33 Comments
LOVE, COCK, WEAR, PARTY AND LONDON
Posted:Aug 27, 2021 11:27 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:39 am
9041 Views


I just did a search of keywords my blog. Love, cock, wear, party and London are the five most used words in my blog posts.

The top 25 words that appear the most on my blog are, in order of frequency: love, cock, wear, party, London, America, food, music, water, members, England, English, team, head, death, group, photograph, famous, giving, police, balls, black, penis, third, and queen.

I’m a little surprised at what the keyword search threw up.

I’m not a romantic for love to be top of the list but I guess I must write that I love white wine, Indian curry and Leeds United a lot! Though I have a cock, I didn’t realise that I write about cocks so much. And I haven’t got a clue why wear appears so much in my posts, but I'm now going to be wary about writing that word again! Party I can understand because I have blogged about sex parties quite a bit. But London just doesn’t make sense as I don’t live anywhere near the city.


What words would you have thought I’d most use on my blog?
If you blog, what are your most used words in your posts?


I’m also surprised at the words that didn’t feature at the top of the list. There’s no wine, no beer, no curry, no football and no fuck! And there’s no sex, no boobs, no pussy, no bum and no doggy!

17 Comments
A DOUBLE ENTENDRE COCKTAIL
Posted:Aug 25, 2021 6:02 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:39 am
8537 Views


A woman goes to a cocktail bar and says, "I'd like a double entrendre." The bartender says, "I'll give you one!"



Above is a Sourtoe Cocktail, a speciality of the Downtown Hotel in Dawson City, Yukon. For $5, customers can drink the cocktail, served with an amputated toe, and join the Sourtoe Cocktail Club if they comply with the following rule: “You can drink it fast, you can drink it slow. But the lips have gotta touch the toe.”

The Sourtoe Cocktail is usually served with whisky; over 30 are served each day. Since September 1973, when Dick Stevenson found a severed big toe preserved in a jar and invented the cocktail, there are well over 100,000 members of the Sourtoe Cocktail Club.

The Club had a fine of $500 for anybody swallowing the toe in the cocktail. But recently one New Orleans man drank the cocktail and swallowed the toe. When challenged, he calmly placed $500 on the bar, walked off and left town. The Club has now increased the fine to $2,500. The Club is always looking out for replacement severed toes.


Would you drink a Sourtoe Cocktail?
What are your favourite cocktails?
Do you drink mocktails?


My favourite cocktails are a B-52, a Bloody Mary and a Mojito. I don’t drink mocktails; they’re an expensive way of staying sober!

B-52 cocktails:


Bloody Mary cocktails:


Mojito cocktails:
34 Comments
FUCKITY FUCK
Posted:Aug 23, 2021 12:13 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:39 am
8863 Views


"Fuck it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck."

These are the opening lines uttered by Hugh Grant in the 1994 classic film, Four Weddings and a Funeral. The actor also got to say "fuck-a-doodle-doo" in the film. Hugh Grant gets all the best lines!

Aston University's Robbie Love recently found that swearing in Britain is in decline. He compared the use of the most common swear words between 1994 and 2014; swearing declined by 27.6 per cent during this period.

Perhaps not surprisingly, Robbie Love found that fuck replaced bloody as the most popular swear word in Britain. Bloody seems very tame nowadays, though I never used the word in front of my parents and especially in front of my strict grandparents!

Shit is the second most popular swear word. I don't know what the fuck came third!

Furthermore, again not surprisingly, Robbie Love found that men swear more than women and that younger people swear more than older people.


Do you swear a lot, a little or not at all?
What are your most favourite swear words?
What are your least favourite swear words?


I swear a little though a lot depends on the company I'm keeping. When I do swear, I'm a fuck person!

There are no swear words that are off-limits for me, but I don't like being called a prat or a twat. They're too dismissive as if the person who's swearing at me can't be bothered with me. I'd sooner be called a knob or a cunt because then I know I've got under their skin!


23 Comments
PEEING YOUR PANTS IS COOL
Posted:Aug 20, 2021 11:51 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:38 am
10918 Views


The just-peed-yourself is now fashionable!

The Wet Pants Denim company has just launched a range of denim jeans that, in its words, “are designed to mimic the aesthetic of urinary incontinence without the commonly associated discomfort.” The company is convinced that “there are people who actually do enjoy the ‘wet ’”.

Each pair of jeans, individually stained by hand, retails £50 (or $75). The company’s range of jeans includes “blue denim with a dark blue crotch splotch; light gray denim with a dark gray spot; or white with yellow dye for that extra drop of realism” - see for the full range.

Having anticipated considerable demand for these ‘wet , dry feel’ jeans on this site, I purchased a bulk order a discounted . So I can deliver these jeans to your door for £40 (or $60) a pair. Also I can cater for all sizes and can offer drainpipe or flared jeans.

I can personally vouch for how authentic these jeans are; I peed myself yesterday and couldn't tell the difference between my wet jeans and the Wet Pants Denim jeans. now while stocks last!


How many pairs of ‘wet ’ jeans would you like to ?
What colour jeans would you like to purchase?
And what are your measurements?


For those who order five or more pairs of jeans, a complimentary copy of Carla K Long’s Who Peed My Pants? best- will come with your delivery!







43 Comments
P STANDS FOR PORN STAR FLUFFER
Posted:Aug 18, 2021 12:32 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:38 am
8953 Views


A fluffer is someone employed on porn star film sets to keep porn actors’ cocks aroused in readiness for filming their shots.

I once was a porn star fluffer. No, it wasn’t for a gay porn film. It was for a straight porn film shot in California’s San Fernando Valley, the porn capital of America.

I had to fluff a female porn actress because she was having problems with a very well hung porn actor. In the words of the film director, my job as a fluffer was “to loosen her up” before the cameras were about to roll.

You can see me, or at least half of me, in the photo above. I’m just behind the woman wearing the blue sarong dress. I shaved my head then because I wanted to be a fluffer while incognito. As you can see, the porn actress whom I was fluffing was really into me while looking out of the window!


Do you watch porn films, sorry porn movies?
If so, what type of porn do you like to watch?


I used to watch porn films - not a lot, just a bit. I tended to enjoy group sex porn the best. Also I tended to watch porn with my partner but we rarely got to the end of any film!





32 Comments
IF YOU WERE STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND, WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH A …?
Posted:Aug 16, 2021 12:13 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:45 am
8932 Views


Here’s bits of trivia about sex dolls:
• An agalmatophiliac is a person who is sexually attracted to dolls, mannequins and statues.
• The first sex dolls can be traced back to the sixteenth century when European sailors made dolls out of rags to keep them company during the long voyage.
• In the 1930s, Hans Bellmer, a German surrealist artist, created three sex dolls as works of art - see below for one of his creations.
• In 1955 the Bild's Lilli adult novelty doll was launched; it’s claimed that this buxom doll, with no orifices, was Ruth Handley’s inspiration in creating the best- Barbie doll.
• Imports of sex dolls were banned in Britain until 1987 because of an ancient law banning the import of “obscene or indecent” items; however, the British government lost a landmark case in the European Court of Justice, which held that the banning import of sex dolls from Denmark was illegal as it constituted a barrier to free trade.
• The Japanese often refer to sex dolls as Dutch wives.
• Sex dolls are popular in China because there are far more men than women.
• In the 1990s, it’s claimed that Howard Stern once had sex with a doll live on television.
• In Japan, the specialist sex-doll magazine, i-doloid, sells about ,000 copies each issue.
• One American man, Davecat, married (not legally) a sex doll called Sidore - see below for a picture of the happy couple; another man in Kazakhstan, Yuri Tolochko, married (legally) a sex doll but divorced her after she broke.
• There are several sex-doll brothels across the world; the first sex-doll brothel opened in Barcelona in which punters can hire a LumiDoll for £0 per hour.
• In Toronto, Aura Dolls hires out sex dolls to ; it has “a three-step cleaning routine” to sanitise the dolls after each booking.
• Male sex dolls account for only per cent of all sales of sex dolls.
• The Real Love sex doll is modelled on Korina Kova, a porn star; this doll costs $3,500 to buy - see below for the real-life model.
• Sales of sex dolls increased significantly during the present covid pandemic.


Have you ever inflated a blow-up doll, had sex with a sex doll, or made love to a love doll?
If you were stranded on a desert island and came across a marooned but serviceable sex doll, whether female or male, would you indulge in a bit of hanky panky with the doll?


Despite rumours to the contrary, I’ve never dated a sex doll. But if I was stranded on a desert island, I’d definitely date a sex doll!

Brigitte the blow-up doll ready for action:


Mr spunkycumfun at your service:


Hans Bellmer’s The Doll:


Davecat and Sidore:


Korina Kova:
29 Comments
NO CHEATING THIS TIME! ICE CREAM WITH NUDITY
Posted:Aug 11, 2021 12:22 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:38 am
8618 Views


This is my weekly contribution to the HNW Bloggers’s group that celebrates Half Nekkid Wednesday. This group has been going for a long time, one of the few constants in blogland. Other attempts to bring bloggers together have come and gone, but Half Nekkid Wednesday has stood the test of time. This week’s theme is ice cream - see August 11: Ice cream for links to other contributions this week.

Normally I cheat with my Half Nekkid Wednesday contributions. It’s not that I’m embarrassed about my naked body, or at least half of it; it’s because I don’t have a camera for me or another person to take semi-naked shots of me. And, believe it or not, there are no naked shots of me that I can find browsing the internet.

But this week I’m offering a semi-naked photograph of myself - see above. I love ice cream so much that I have a tattoo of an ice cream and a lollipop on my buttocks!

There’s no such thing as bad ice cream; it’s all good. My favourite ice cream flavour is chocolate mint chip, but if I was choosing three scoops of ice cream - one of life’s great choices - I’d ask for a scoop of pistachio, chocolate and vanilla ice cream. A scoop of chocolate mint chip ice cream would just overpower other flavours.


What’s your favourite ice cream flavour?
If you were offered three scoops, what flavours would you choose?
Can you see my semi-naked photograph posted above?


I’m aware that my photographs posted on my blog posts sometimes don’t show up. Apologies to those who wanted or at least expected to see me half-nekkid - surely it should be half-naked!

Below are four ice cream funnies that you probably can’t see. But I promise they’re funny or at least half-funny!








33 Comments
MY FIVE BIRTHDAY WISHES - WINE, BOOK, BUCKET, BINOCULARS AND BLOW-JOB
Posted:Aug 7, 2021 11:10 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:37 am
8942 Views


It’s my birthday today! Given covid, my birthday celebrations will be quite low-key. There’ll be a birthday meal but there’ll be no birthday party.

How do you normally celebrate your birthday?

Though I’m going to have a quiet birthday, I am expecting birthday presents. A few weeks ago I issued a birthday present list so people don’t waste their money by buying me something I don’t need or want. Unwanted birthday presents always get recycled!

Do you re-gift unwanted presents?

There are five items on this year’s birthday present list. First, there is wine. I’ve asked for my favourite wine, Pouilly-Fumé, a French dry white wine. I’m hoping for a case but I’ll probably be lucky just to get one bottle as it’s quite expensive.



Second on my list is the book, Spike, by Jeremy Farrar, a leading scientist in the fight against coronavirus. In the book he charts the ineptitude of the Johnson Government in dealing with the pandemic here in Britain. Johnson - I can’t call him Boris - is at best a clown who has lied his way into office and at worst a clown who is lying his way in office.



The third tem on my birthday present list is a bucket - not just any bucket but a Marcelo Bielsa bucket. Marcelo Bielsa is the iconic manager of my beloved football team, Leeds United. At games he often sits on the bucket on the sidelines. I’ll be sitting on the bucket when watching Leeds United games on television!



Fourth on my present list is a pair of binoculars, an essential for my planned honeymoon safari in Tanzania next summer, covid-permitting.



The fifth and final item on my list is a blow-job from two women. I know I won’t get this but a man can surely live in hope on his birthday!

33 Comments
WANNA GO ON A PICNIC?
Posted:Aug 4, 2021 11:54 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:37 am
9200 Views


I love picnics, one of the great outdoor delights. It’s been a long time since I went on a picnic. I do own a large picnic hamper though I’m not sure if it’s ever been used.

If I was planning a picnic I’d take lots of chilled dry white wine, chilled beers, chilled water, an assortment of cheeses, lots of sandwiches, Scotch eggs, a selection of pâtés, salami, chorizo sausage, cocktail sausages, French baguettes, hummus, carrot sticks, potato salad, cherry tomatoes, breadsticks, cherries, grapes, and strawberries.

I wouldn’t bother with chicken drumsticks, sausage rolls, taramasalata, coleslaw, and salad - there’s more room in the hamper for wine without these items!


When was your last picnic?
Have you ever gone naked on a picnic?
Have you ever had sex on a picnic?


I’ve had a naked picnic, though me and my picnic partner got too sidetracked to eat.

Yesterday I went for a long walk in a nearby country park and came across lots of people enjoying a picnic. I couldn’t believe my luck, they wanted join in with their picnic. It would have been rude turn them down even though I wasn’t that hungry. I felt really stuffed after picnics. I hope you can spot in the photos below!












26 Comments
BLOGLAND CHAOS
Posted:Aug 1, 2021 10:28 am
Last Updated:Nov 28, 2021 1:51 pm
10063 Views


What a car crash that greeted when I logged onto this site, especially in blogland!

How have you found the new Community format?

The good news is that the site will soon revert back to the old format - please see the exchange of mails between and Andrew Conru, the site's founder, earlier today.

My mail to the site
The new Community format is a disaster. I’ve spent the last two hours trying navigate the blogs I follow and the groups I’ve joined. Though I can find my blog and my group I moderate amidst the unsolicited links of blogs and groups that don’t interest , I can’t do the things that I could do with the old format.
With blogs, I cannot find the bloggers I follow unless I stumble across them. I cannot find replies to my comments on other blogs. There is no overview page which gave a sense of community with a list of new posts of bloggers I follow and a link to where I’m quoted.
With my blog, I cannot see who has just posted a comment for me to reply . I cannot see a listing of my most recent blog posts. I cannot see who has visited and who is following my blog. I cannot even find any emojis to attach to my comments.
With groups, I cannot see if anything new has posted on the group I moderate and cannot see who is in the group. Also I cannot post a new thread or a comment on an existing thread the group.
The new format is a black hole which undermines any sense of community. It was seemingly launched without consultation or without announcement. It is one big car crash.
I know you are not responsible but I just want provide my feedback. I will struggle find a reply this post if you do reply. There’s seemingly no dialogue with this so-called community format. The new format is chaos.


Andrew’s reply to my mail
Hi Spunky ... as one of the most prolific members here, I really value your feedback! We were planning just put a 'beta' link get some feedback but decided instead to roll it out and see what happens. It seems like the long-term bloggers are the most negative which is understandable. We'll roll it back in the morning (it's 4am here) and regroup with all the great feedback we got in the last hours or so.
All the "I can see new stuff" is taken care by the "Alerts" the left sidebar ... no matter if it's it from a blog, group, or erotic story. Once I reply here, you'll see the alert on your sidebar.


31 Comments
I ONCE ENTERED A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
Posted:Jul 28, 2021 11:19 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:36 am
10094 Views


Many years ago, I entered a wet T-shirt contest and ignominiously came last! Somewhat drunkenly I appealed against the decision of the panel of judges but the appeal was loudly turned down by the baying crowd. I think the angry crowd wanted see someone more voluptuous than me!

It’s claimed that the first wet T-shirt contest, organised by Dick Barrymore, was held in January 1971 in Idaho’s Sun Valley to promote ski equipment. Dick Barrymore then quickly held further wet T-shirt contests in Vermont’s Stowe Mountain and in Colorado’s Aspen. His contestants even appeared in the March 1972 issue of Playboy.

Wet T-shirt contests, especially from the 1980s onwards, quickly spread across America and other countries. They are now a staple feature of many holiday resorts frequented by young people.

Wet boxer shorts contests are popular in many gay bars.


Have you ever entered a wet T-shirt or a wet boxer shorts contest?
Have you ever been a spectator at a wet T-shirt or a wet boxer shorts contest?
Have you ever been a judge at a wet T-shirt or a wet boxer shorts contest?


After my embarrassing and humiliating debut in a wet T-shirt contest, I now stick to officiating such contests. I am now a very experienced judge in demand worldwide - see below. Just look at the equipment I use to meticulously judge wet T-shirts!





19 Comments
PRINCESS DIANA IS NOT DEAD
Posted:Jul 25, 2021 10:12 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 5:36 am
13233 Views




It’s official; Princess Diana is not dead, and nor is Dodi al Fayed. Both faked their deaths in the early hours of 31 August 1997 in a car crash in the Pont de l'Alma tunnel in Paris escape the prying eyes of the paparazzi.

princessdiana has been recently found in America celebrating her 60th birthday. She confirmed that she has long since split from dodifayed, who now lives as a recluse in London.

But QueenElizabethII has ordered the royalfamily keep news of princessdiana’s whereabouts a secret, otherwise she will stop giving them lots of money, but news has inevitably leaked out.

It’s believed that princeharry moved to America to be closer to his beloved mother. But the real reasons for his exile to America are far more complicated and salacious than what’s been reported.

At one of the houseofwindsor’s notorious sex parties, PrinceCharles gatecrashed a party last year where he found his wife, the duchess of cornwall, being spit-roasted by PrinceWilliam and princeharry, while his sister, princessann, was leading a lesbian romp with KateMiddleton and Meghanmarkle.

Both QueenElizabethII and PrinceCharles decided that firm action was needed to protect the honour of the royalfamily and ordered princeharry and Meghanmarkle to leave the shores for North America.

Following further investigations by senior buckinghampalace staff, nearly all members of the royalfamily are active members of this site; the notable exception is Prince Andrew isn’t a member, probably because the site doesn’t allow members under 18 years of age!


Are you a fan of Britain’s Royal Family?

I’m no royalist. I would abolish the monarchy and, prevent the monarchy re-grouping, I’d support the Russian way of abolishing the monarchy!

Below are some terrible statues of Princess Diana and inside is Prince Charles giving Princess Diana a sloppy kiss.


Andrew Walsh’s Black Diana statue in Bloxwich, West Midlands:


One of many Princess Diana statues in Nansha’s Princess Diana statue garden, China:


Dodi al Fayed and Princess Diana statue in the Harrods department store, Knightsbridge, London:


Ian Rank-Broadley’s Princess Diana statue unveiled by Prince William and Prince Harry in Kensington Palace, London:
41 Comments

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