Welcome to Sexy TIMES!

This blog will report various, often random and sometimes dubious thoughts, quirks, observations, trivia, tales, questions, dreams, rants, opinions, truths, musings, stories, lies, hopes, moans, fantasies, etc in the hope of tempting you to get involved.

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Sexy TIMES editor: spunkycumfun, Esq.
Sexy TIMES proprietor: Rupert Murdoch
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The editor and, of course, the proprietor take no responsibility for accuracy of the content, nor any responsibility for the propriety of how the content was gathered. Otherwise, Sexy TIMES subscribes to the highest ethical standards of journalism.
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Posted:Dec 31, 2017 9:58 am
Last Updated:Jun 14, 2021 3:16 am
This post is my very belated contribution to the 37th virtual symposium on 'Santa’s List : Naughty or Nice'. Please visit the Virtual Symposium Group’s #37 December Topicquot; Santa's List: Naught or Nice " LINK Here to read other contributions to the virtual symposium.

My past Christmas was both very nice and quite naughty. It was great not to work but that didn’t stop me thinking about work!

Christmas Day was spent with my girlfriend and her family, opening lots of presents, eating lots, dancing lots to disco music and drinking lots of wine. I got too drunk to fuck but at least I managed to last the day unlike last year where I crashed out in the early evening.

Santa bought me lots of much-needed or at least much-wanted presents, including many bottles of fine wine, baklava sweets, chocolates, an electric shaver, a Nottingham Panthers notebook, a diary, two torches, a jacket, several shirts and the obligatory socks and pants.

It always pays to issue a present list before the big day to ensure you get wanted presents. The only present I didn’t like was some spiced cigarettes which came from someone not in receipt of my list! These cigarettes have since been recycled to another unsuspecting smoker!

How was your Xmas?

Over the last few weeks I took a break from blogland. I was getting a little jaded with my blog routines but I’m now refreshed after my blogging funk. The ghost is back despite the ocean of yellow waiting to be navigated!

Have I missed anything exciting in blogland?

As you can see, Santa misread my Xmas present list as his Xmas present lust!

Posted:Nov 14, 2017 10:45 am
Last Updated:Jun 14, 2021 3:16 am
This post is my contribution to the 36th virtual symposium on 'What Are We Thankful For'. Please visit the Virtual Symposium Group’s #36 November Topic Link to read other contributions to the virtual symposium.

Christmas seems to be starting very early this year. Since early November shops are full of Christmas decorations and Christmas wares and television is full of Christmas adverts and Christmas films.

I’m not complaining about Christmas starting earlier because I love Christmas despite not being Christian. I love being off work for a good week; I love watching trashy movies; I love giving and receiving presents; I love eating a roast turkey dinner; and I love drinking lots of Champagne on Christmas day.

As Christmas has started early it’s only proper for me to issue my Christmas present list earlier than usual.

On my Christmas present list this year are a big roast turkey dinner, Marlboro Gold cigarettes, lots of fine wine, a watch, a suitcase, a parmesan cheese grater, a spitroast (I’m happy to go ether end!), a double penetration (as one of the two penetrators not the penetrated), and a Christmas sex party!

What Christmas present are you planning to get me this year?
What will be on your Christmas present list this year?

I still haven’t been around blogland much of late; work has been very busy and my head was in a bit of a funk! I’ll get round to my watched blogs over the next few days. I promise I will otherwise Santa Claus won’t pay me a visit this year!

Posted:Oct 16, 2017 11:27 am
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2017 12:29 pm

I haven’t been around in blogland much in the last week. I promise I will catch up with the wonderful blogs I follow over the next few days.

Work has been very busy for the last few weeks and I went down with something last week - aching bones, aching teeth, shivering, sweating, listlessness and dry eyes. My guess is that this was all stress-induced from work.

I was too sick to work much of last week. I emailed work last Wednesday to say I was too ill to work and on my return today I received a reply to my email that I need to take personal responsibility for not meeting a deadline late last week! I was furious.

My workplace has become incredibly exploitative of late. I shouldn’t be surprised as that is what managers are paid to do, trying to get more from workers with less.

I haven’t had a substantial pay rise for ten years; that’s the price you pay for working in the public sector in the UK after the government bailed out the banks a decade ago! I don't see any evidence that bankers aren't still getting rich after the global financial crisis.

While off work, and because I’m a news junkie, I managed to read lots of newspapers, listen to lots of radio and watch lots of television while I was off work. News just seems to get worse - Brexit, Trump, Iran, UNESCO, climate change, Myanmar, Syria, Iraq, hurricanes, South Africa, forest fires, North Korea, Somalia, Turkey and the list goes on. I know news tends to be bad, but I’ve never been so politically depressed in all my life.

And to top it all, Harvey Weinstein then comes along. I’m staggered at the growing list of women giving their very consistent testimony of his sexual behaviour. As Lord Acton quipped, "Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely." Though not surprised by the predatory sexual exploits of a powerful and rich man, I was staggered by the duration and scale of his exploits.

Given that Pulp Fiction is my favourite ever film, should I still like the film given that Harvey Weinstein was the film's producer?

Harvey Weinstein clearly has all the credentials to be the next US President!

Posted:Oct 9, 2017 11:26 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2017 11:34 am
This post is my contribution to the 35th virtual symposium diligently organised by the cult leaderess, pocogato12. Please visit the Virtual Symposium Group’s #35 TOPIC LINK For OCTOBER 2017 to read other contributions to the 'Superstitions and Fears' virtual symposium.

It started about ten years ago when I realised that my car tax had expired. Letters came presumably to demand payment; those letters were left unopened. More letters came presumably to request my appearance at court; those letters were also left unopened.

Rather than facing the consequences I decided to stop driving my car as I was repeatedly stopped by the police thanks to car number-plate recognition technology. My car was parked permanently outside my apartment. I had no idea how I could sell or even get rid of my car without alerting the authorities. I was hoping that my car would get stolen. After a couple of years and after I denied ownership of the car to the company managing the block of apartments, my car was towed away. Problem solved even though I lost my car!

Soon after this my Mum was diagnosed with a terminal illness and then, after she died, my Dad became house-bound. I was spending nearly every weekend seeing my parents and sorting out their affairs. I neglected my affairs.

The post mounted up. I kept telling myself that I would deal with my post one clear weekend but that weekend never came. Electricity bills, water bills, council tax bills and other bills were left unopened in their envelopes and unpaid. My post became increasingly scary - letters from the police, courts and bailiffs were increasingly arriving in my mailbox.

There were even knocks on my door from presumably the bailiffs. I stopped opening my front door unless I knew who was coming.

I just couldn’t muster the courage to open my mail and sort out my affairs. I was scared; I was very fearful of what was going to happen. I thought my apartment would be repossessed and I even thought I’d be sent to prison.

Once I sorted out my unopened pile into three piles; one pile for the probably safe mail, one pile for the definitely dangerous mail and another pile for the maybe safe, maybe dangerous mail. I started to open the safe mail but I never mustered the strength to open the mail in the other two piles. So I just put all the unopened mail in a box and placed the box under a table. It was out of sight but it never was out of mind.

I even went to a counsellor about this problem. I readily acknowledged to the counsellor that I had a problem and I readily accepted that the only solution was to open the mail but I just couldn’t do it.

Every day I felt fear; only alcohol, sex and sleep momentarily allayed the fear. Every day I loathed myself at how I allowed myself to get in this fearful mess. I had the money to pay the bills but I was too scared to open my mail. What was wrong with me?!

How good are you at dealing with your mail?
Are there any letters you don’t open?

My years of fear only ended when my girlfriend persuaded me to allow her to open my mail and deal with the mess. I gave her several signed blank cheques and asked her not to tell me the gory details. She sorted my mess that I’d spent a few years creating in just a few days!

Posted:Sep 28, 2017 12:13 pm
Last Updated:Nov 1, 2017 12:38 pm

Forget biometrics, there’s now dickometrics!

This evening I approached my computer slightly nervously, I dropped my pants and allowed my computer to see my cock. Before I could count to three, I was logged onto this site. Easy, peasy!

CamSoda, a webcam company, has just launched dickometrics for men to identify and validate themselves online. Rather than typing in a password, a man just flashes his cock to gain entry onto an online site.

Darren Press, CamSoda’s Vice-President - presumably Donald Trump is the company's President!, claims that a dickometric passsword is a more secure way of identifying yourself than the normal biometric passwords based on a person’s eyes and fingers. He said:

"Like a fingerprint and an eyeball, which are two of most commonly used body parts in biometric technologies, the penis has many, many differentiating factors like size, color, and vein protrusion. However, unlike fingerprints and eyeballs, penises are not exposed to the public a lot of the time and mostly kept under clothing and shared with loved ones - presumably who are trusted. In order to ensure personal data is safeguarded against unwarranted individuals, biometrics have become progressively popular for its ability to provide a layer of security that is impenetrable. With the launch of dick-ometrics, we are taking things to the next level."

CamSoda launched its penile recognition technology service for men using porn sites. The company is now developing a vagina recognition technology for women to identify themselves online.

Cockshots, much and unfairly maligned on this site, are now a way for men to identify themselves; pussyshots for women will soon follow!

Do you have a biometric passport?
Would you use a cockshot or a pussyshot as a way of biometrically proving who you are?
Are you okay with biometrics being used as a way of confirming who you are?

I don’t trust biometrics, not because biometrics aren’t a good way of identifying ourselves but because I don’t think the storage and use of biometric data can ever be securely managed and ethically used.

Bring back the handshake, the signature and the smile!

Posted:Sep 19, 2017 12:10 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2017 1:01 pm

Late last night and just before bedtime, I was in my bathroom where I found a pair of my pants on the floor. As I lifted them up, I found a silverfish underneath my pants. The silverfish soon scampered away.

For some reason I like silverfish. I now have a pet or even pets in my home. I don’t know much about silverfish so I did some research and this is what I found.

Silverfish are nocturnal wingless insects which grow up to an inch long. Silverfish and their predecessors are one of the earliest insects to inhabit this planet. They’re now found in most parts of the world; they like humid environments like my bathroom!

Silverfish can move fast but they can only move on a horizontal surface. Because they move in a wiggling motion like a fish and they’re silver in appearance, silverfish is a very apt name for this insect.

They live on a high carbohydrate diet; silverfish like eating sugar, paper, carpet, hair, dandruff, glue and clothing. It seems my pet silverfish was eating my underpants last night!

Silverfish can live for a year or more without eating! And they don’t spread disease.

Do you have silverfish in your home?
What other bugs reside in your home?
Do you kill bugs in your home?

As far as I’m aware, there are spiders, bed mites, a few moths, the odd fly and now silverfish in my home. I don’t kill any bug, though it’s very tempting to swat an annoying fly. And I always rescue a spider in distress from my bath!

Given that I now have a pet silverfish, I’m going to leave lots of toilet paper on my bathroom floor for my pet to eat and I’ve decided to call my pet silverfish Norman!

Posted:Sep 17, 2017 11:35 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2021 3:52 am

An emoji is a graphical representation of words developed as an alternative way to communicate.

Some people claim that emoji constitutes a new language. I think emoji does constitute a language, albeit a language in its infancy as emoji grammar is very limited at present, but I don’t think emoji is a radically different language. The Ancient Egyptians used pictures to represent words in their hieroglyphic writing system many centuries ago.

Also some people claim that emoji represents a universal language. However, research shows that emoji are often misunderstood differently in different cultures - what the sender means isn’t always understood by the receiver of emoji. Furthermore, the Esperanto language, developed by L L Zamenhof in 1887, has a very strong claim to be the first attempt at developing a universal language, or at least a Western language.

Here are ten bits of emoji trivia:
1. The word 'emoji' stems from the Japanese language and can be translated as 'picture character'; the meaning of emoji has nothing to do with the English word 'emotion'.
2. In 1999, Shigetaka Kurita created the first set of emoji after studying the facial expressions of people in the Japanese city in which he lived - see above image.
3. Emoji has become increasingly popular since the very late 1990s when Japanese companies adopted emoji to be used on their phones.
4. In 2010, emoji started to be converted into a standard code, known as Unicode Standard, allowing emoji to be used outside Japan in countries with different operating systems.
5. Emojipedia is an encyclopaedia of emoji developed by the Australian emoji specialist, Jeremy Burge, in 2013.
6. In 2015, Oxford Dictionaries declared an emoji to be its word of the year.
7. 17 July has been dedicated as World Emoji Day.
8. Keith Broni, a British man, is the world’s first professional emoji translator.
9. In 2017 Sony released the first emoji-animated film, not surprisingly titled The Emoji Movie; it was panned by film critics.
10. Also in 2017, researchers from the University of Michigan found that the 'Face with Tears of Joy' emoji - see below - is the most popular emoji used worldwide; they also found that the French used love-associated emoji the most.

Do you regularly use emoji?

I’m not too conversant with emoji though I do use a couple of emoji on this site. I use emoji here to signify that I’m trying to be friendly or humorous just in case my attempts at being friendly or humorous may not be understood.

An emoji is a very useful way of communicating online without the offline advantages of seeing someone’s face, hearing someone’s voice, smelling someone's aroma, touching someone's skin and tasting someone's body. Online communication is almost senseless!

Posted:Sep 6, 2017 9:33 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2017 8:38 am

Toes are funny things but I’m quite attached to my toes! But I don’t like my toenails or, rather, I don’t like cutting my toenails.

As I’ve got older, for some reason, my toenails are more difficult to cut. My nail scissors that I use to cut my fingernails can’t cut my toenails; even nail clippers struggle to cut them. I often use a pair of household scissors to cut my toenails though the finish is a lot to be desired. Probably in ten years time I’ll be using a chainsaw to cut my toenails!

I once went to a nail bar to get a pedicure but it’s a lot of money to get my toenails cut. Also I was the only man in the salon and quite a few women having a manicure and a pedicure looked at me a little strangely. If women should be able to do what men can do, why can’t men do what women do?!

How do you cut your toenails?
Have you ever sucked someone else’s toe and/or had your toes sucked by someone else?

I love toe-sucking, both sucking and being sucked, but toes have to be clean and toenails have to be cut. Toe-sucking makes for great foreplay; it's tingly.

Posted:Sep 5, 2017 9:23 am
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2021 5:31 am

Here’s a quick teaser for you.

What of these numbers - 6, 17, 22, 23, 40, 54, 71 and 87 - is the odd one out? And why?

There is a coveted prize to be given to the person who first correctly identifies the odd one out, plus a bonus prize for explaining why the number is the odd one out.

Posted:Sep 5, 2017 9:22 am
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2017 3:25 am

Here’s a quick teaser for you.

What of these numbers - 6, 22, 40, 54, 71 and 87 - is the odd one out? And why?

There is a coveted prize to be given to the person who first correctly identifies the odd one out, plus a bonus prize for explaining why the number is the odd one out.

Posted:Sep 3, 2017 4:32 am
Last Updated:Jun 8, 2021 10:48 am
This post is my contribution to the 34th virtual symposium diligently organised by the cult leaderess, pocogato12. Please visit the Virtual Symposium Group’s #34 SYMPOSIUM TOPIC "PAIN" Link to read other contributions to the 'Pain' virtual symposium.

At the kitchen table I slowly sipped coffee and smoked a cigarette while reading a newspaper. As Cathy got up from her chair in the kitchen she passed me a note. The note read, 'Wait a while and then follow me into the room'.

I didn’t want to wait because I knew what was going to happen. We had been in the room many times before and there was only going to be one ending.

After a few minutes and already naked I walked into the room. The flickering lights of candles mounted on the brick walls and the ambient music being played added to the anticipation of what was to unfold. Cathy, naked over a bench, was waiting for me. Her ample breasts were invitingly squished against the padding of the bench.

I walked over to a shelf next to the bench, picked up a blindfold and approached Cathy. While slipping the blindfold over her eyes, I told Cathy what was about to happen. Pain and pleasure or, rather, her pain and my pleasure.

After firmly tying Cathy’s arms and legs to the bench, I kissed and massaged her back and then her thighs. Cathy’s body started to writhe. I then stood behind her and parted the cheeks of her bum. While gazing at her trimmed pussy, I started to blow and spit on her pussy. A few little pussy kisses followed before licking, sucking and chewing Cathy’s clit. Cathy was wet. I was hard.

I then stood up and walked around Cathy telling her how wet her pussy was and how hard my cock was. My cock just gently touched Cathy’s mouth. She kept trying to lick my cock but being tightly bound she had no chance of reaching my cock with her tongue.

After the cock teasing, I walked away from the bench where many instruments were hanging from the brick wall. I chose four - a paddle, a lash, a tawse and a crop. Along with my right hand, these were the tools of pain I was about to administer.

Returning to the bench and standing near Cathy, I placed my hand on her bum. Cathy knew what was going to happen. My hand started to slowly pat her bum cheeks, gradually the pats got faster and harder.

Suddenly I stopped. Cathy pleaded for more. "Not now, later," I said. As I left the room leaving Cathy bound and stranded on the bench. I returned to the kitchen for what felt like a few minutes but was probably only half-a-minute.

On entering the room I quietly went over to the bench. I smacked Cathy’s bum. Surprised she groaned out for more. Smacks soon followed; her bum started to smart as the smacks got harder. Cathy’s cheeks were red all over.

I grabbed the paddle on the floor and gave Cathy six-of-the best. The lash and tawse soon followed, again six-of-the-best with each. Cathy was simpering. "Harder, harder," she cried out.

Now it was the crop’s turn. I took more care and time in giving six-of-the-best with the crop. I counted aloud each strike amidst Cathy’s screams. I admired the six red stripes I had created on Cathy’s bum.

I dropped the crop onto the floor and held my cock close to Cathy’s pussy. She couldn’t move much but her arched body and gaping pussy clearly wanted cock. I started to slap Cathy’s pussy with my very hard cock before slowly entering her.

Dangling my cock deep inside, my spunk shot into her cunt. I wasn't going to wait. After cumming, I then started to lick her pussy getting my tongue deep inside to lick all my spunk out of her cunt. There was lots and lots of cum to lick out.

Finally, and after a few quick and little pussy kisses, I stood up and walked round to kiss Cathy on her mouth and I then gently removed the blindfold and untied her from the bench. Job done!

Does pain play, or has pain played, a part in your sex life?
If so, are or were you a giver or a taker, or both?

When it comes to pain, I’m much more of a giver than a taker. I always like to be polite!

I found it quite difficult to write this post; I don’t think writing erotica (or even 'pornographica' ) is for me. I’ll stick to doing sex rather than writing about it!

Posted:Aug 28, 2017 11:30 am
Last Updated:Sep 15, 2017 1:42 am

My insomnia is so bad that I hardly get any sleep but, looking on the bright side, there’s only three sleeps to Xmas!

Generally I sleep well. I tend to go to bed at about 11pm most nights and I’ll fall asleep quite quickly particularly if I’ve just had sex. I sleep with the radio on - it has to be talk and not music radio - because I wake up throughout the night. With the radio on I can just listen to what’s being said and gradually go to sleep rather than fretting that I can’t sleep.

Usually I wake up about 5am and fall asleep by 6am, and then wake up again at 7am just to fall asleep again by 8am. After another half-hour-or-so I reawaken and get up; I’m lucky that my job doesn’t normally require a 9am start.

Though not a solid sleep, I’m getting at least 8 hours of sleep each night.

Do you sleep well?
How many hours sleep do you normally get each night (or day if you do night-shifts)?

Emilie Autumn, author of The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls book, wrote: "I only sleep with people with who I love, which is why I have insomnia."

Both Margaret Thatcher and Donald Trump claimed they don’t need much sleep, but this just tells me that people need to sleep more! Sleep is good.

And there's only 118 nights to Xmas!

Posted:Aug 22, 2017 11:36 am
Last Updated:Dec 28, 2018 2:20 pm
Cyndi Wood:

I got all nostalgic yesterday when I 'accidentally' viewed some 1970s porn while searching for gardening tips on the Internet!

In my opinion the 1970s was the heyday of porn, but that may say more about my age. I fondly remember my schooldays in the 1970s when porn magazines would be stickily passed around in the dorm. This may be why I like sloppy seconds!

My teenage experience of 1970s porn probably explains my preference for the au naturel look and my love of white bits!

Since leaving school, my interest in porn has been quite sporadic. I can’t remember buying any porn magazines but I did have a phase of buying porn videos which, bar for a few classics like The Devil in Miss Jones, have since been thrown away.

My favourite porn, apart from being 1970s porn, was European porn. I always found American porn too Hollywood, lacking the tongue-in-cheek and the nod-and-wink seen in European porn. I preferred so-called amateur porn, especially if it involved group sex with a ridiculous storyline.

Do or did you regularly watch porn?
Do you have any porn magazines and/or porn films in your possession now?
What is or what was your favourite type of porn?

In my teens I can remember reading Fiesta, Knave, Mayfair, Men Only and Penthouse. Another magazine, though not a porn magazine, I enjoyed reading - or rather looking at - was H&E that somewhat bizarrely stands for health and efficiency. H&E was a magazine for naturists and nudists.

Inside is an H&E front cover publicising its exposé of one our favourite bloggers on this site!

Given my nostalgia, I hope people will forgive me for posting a gallery of 1970s porn below; just to prove I’m not objectifying women, I have provided names. Only joking!

Ellen Michaels:

Patricia Margot McClain:

Sally Duberson:

Carol O’Neal:

Kirsten Imrie:

Sally Sheffield:

Debbie Hooper:

Marianne Gravatte:

Leslie Burrow:


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